Some days I feel like I’m just holding my breath until I can crawl back in bed, and go to sleep until I start the whole process over again the next morning.
If you notice the span of time between my last post and this one you can tell that keeping up with a blog is not something I’m very good it. It isn’t because I’m too busy leading an entertaining life, it’s actually quite the opposite. I’m just a normal girl kickin it in the real world (shout out to my Instagram bio).
Over the past year or so I’ve done a few things. I graduated from Mississippi State, moved to Nashville for a few months, and then moved back to Madison. I’ve had internships, odd jobs, played music, done diet fads, tried to convince myself to work out at the gym, dyed my hair (again), lived, loved, learned, and even bought a cat. In my quarterly crisis of 20-somethings I think I’ve made it my mission to figure out exactly what I DON’T want to do for the rest of my life.
When State mailed me my diploma they forgot to give me a“Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Daily Steps Edition.” So as I got out into the real world I honestly didn’t know which direction to begin. You may think, “But Sarah, you’re a Christian, aren’t you supposed to have some vast amount of wisdom as to which direction to go?” Well, I have an idea of where I want to be, but just because you know North from south doesn’t mean you always know which road is best. There are an abundance of promises in scripture as to how we can figure this out. One that stands out above many is Jeremiah 29:11,
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
And another goes like this,
“Whatever you do in word or in deed,
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through Him.”
Of course you can’t forget one of the most important verses in scripture that is directly aimed at the redeemed man or woman,
“Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations, Baptizing them in the name of the Father and Of the son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
They are beautiful passages are they not? Filled with the promises of hope and adventure. They scream “Come and findMe! Enjoy the miracles along the way.” But which way? Which jobs, what careers, what husband/wife? Where do you go from here, Jesus? These are questions I have found myself asking almost every day for the past 11 months.
It still amazes me how the Lord talks to me when I least expectit. He whispers in my ear on a day when I feel I’ve been walking through the valley, fallen in a crack, and am trying to crawl my way out. When all of my plans seem to be failing He whispers a sweet sense of joy back into my heart. For I often listen to mybrain far more than I do my God. I tend to value the advice of well respecting Christians over the promises written on my heart. For Satan will twist and tamper with even the most innocent of vices.
I am a planner, in the long term sense. I don’t like to hold onto commitments on a daily basis, but having an overall picture of what the future looks like really makes my heart happy. One thing I’ve learned about my God is that He doesn’t think that I need that “picture”, because He has a whole lot more fun getting to know me by revealing small puzzle piece parts at a time. As a human, American, and specifically southerner, this often times does not fit into our superficial rationalization of what life should be.
We tell ourselves that God has a plan and we just need to take every day at a time waiting on Him, but we save up all our money without giving to the poor man down the road right now. We profess that we trust Him with everything (home, family, finances, future), but we worry incessantly about those we love, how we will provide for them, and if we will have enough money to retire one day. Who even said retirement was biblical?We have a really good talking game, but we are walking like a drunken man on a straight line.
This has been one of the strangest, most revealing, and challenging point thus far in my life. I feel like I’m supposed to doubt myself when God shows me a crazy road to travel because I’m young and still learning, but at what age do we have the right to say we know better? Every place I have been lead to in scripture has confirmed my belief that God has some radicalplans for those who will take a leap and follow Him. He doesn’t care if you’re 12, 22, or 62 you are usable and it won’t always make sense. We allow our fear of the unknown or uncontrollableto dictate what our next step is. When we don’t understand what God wants us to do, we just decide not to do anything at all.
“Fear not, for I am with you; do not be
dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will hold you with my Righteous right hand.”
We don’t daily trust the One we say we put our whole trust in. We pridefully choose our own way of doing things because, “I know better.” We are letting out limited days slip past us because we are afraid of what, actually living? The more steps toward Jesus you take the riskier this whole life thing gets. When you are faced with possibilities that you could never see happening, well that may be exactly where God is leading. He is in the business of making miracles out of messes.
I have absolutely nothing about my future figured out and while that terrifies my flesh it ignites my spirit with a freedom to serve like I have never known before. I am encouraged with the opportunity to work in the southern part of Africa in the coming months as a video producer, but that had never been on my list before. There are still unfinalized details and what if’s in my mind, but I will run fast toward the doors that He has opened and pursue where I feel He leads. For His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I will rejoice in the fact that my wisdom is irrational in the eyes of my Maker.
Faith is the willingness to look foolish, take big risks, and pray even bigger prayers. Do not be discouraged in your youth, but be encouraged with the vast possibilities you have to impact the Kingdom.