“What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow, No other fount I know nothing but the blood of Jesus.”
Sin. The topic that everyone loves to talk about. Whether you are beating a bible in someone’s face or avoiding any and all confrontation on the subject, we are all talking about it. Under such a broad umbrella of choices, even among the Christian groups, we have trouble agreeing on it. What is a sin? Are some sins worse than others? If you still sin, are you really saved? Can Christ really take mine away?
Just to assure you of my credibility on the matter I would like to inform you that, I am a sinner. I am of the worst kind of sinner because I have met Jesus and still don’t always choose Him.Every day, I commit some heinous act against the One that loves me most. I break a “rule” and then I beat myself up for it, onlydriving the knife further in and thus denying the grace I’ve been given. I fall into the same disgusting patterns that I know havetainted my life before and run so fast away from the narrowpath, because sometimes it seems scarier to repent and face Him.It is a never ending cycle that is always bringing me back to arms open wide and love pouring out, sometimes with more wounds than before.
I want you to understand how much I love Jesus. I can’t really explain the desire for Him that I have, because sometimes it makes no sense to me. My soul has borne witness to his incredible love and mercy among the streets of Madison County, to the jungles of the Philippines. I know my God lives. But I also want you to understand my flesh loves sin. The war between my soul and my flesh is a battle that can sometimes leave me exhausted and begging for His return. Luckily I’m not the only one. A great disciple of the faith, Paul, had similar struggles. I hate that I do not do what I want to do, but I do what I don’t want (Romans 7:19). Paul got it. He knew there was nothing about him that was inherently good. I mean he used to kill people because he thought he was doing the right thing. He grasped the idea that in order for him to accomplish anything of goodness that God must be around. We fog up this reality with our rule following attitude that puts God in a box, and not in our hearts. “For in my inner self I joyfully agree with God’s law. But I see a different law in the parts of my body. Waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body.” Romans 7:22-23 Is it a fight for you? Do you feel the struggle between your flesh and your spirit on a daily basis? If so, GOOD! That means the Holy Spirit is alive and working in you. Your struggle is evidence of your salvation because believe it or not, nothing about Christianity was supposed to be a walk in the park. We are in a spiritual battle for our souls and the souls of men (Ephesians 6:12). I mean the one we call our savior died at a young agebleeding on a cross and bearing the sins of the world. Then we say we are called to be more like him and assume that means no suffering? We are so delusional.
Sin is what keeps us separate from God. From the first time in the garden to the second you read this, sin is has been around. We know it in many forms. You can point out one sin over another but they are all a symptom of the problem. We are trying to fill some void in our lives that was meant for one thing, intimacy with God. So in our feeble attempt to replicate what that intimacy will bring, we search after all sorts of things. Thus only widening the gap between ourselves and our Maker. He stays the same but we run away. “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law.” James 2:10-11
You see it’s all the same. From the luster to the liar and the murderer to the prideful, all sin creates a gap. Your sin is no bigger or scarier to God than someone else’s. He can still cover it and He has.
Our adversary is clever. He knows the way to our sinful hearts, because it is his mission. As a follower of Christ, satan has no claim to my soul any longer but he can divert my course so that Imay be as ineffective for the Kingdom as possible. He uses sin to do most of his bidding. He starts off with a small “harmless” taste that my flesh quickly attaches too and then slowly drags me down until I’m drowning beneath the weight of those few “harmless” choices. In the midst of that ocean of mistakes,things look hopeless. God seems so far away and I believe the lies that I’m too damaged to be useable. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. You’re rod And your staff they comfort me.” Psalm23:4
You are not alone in your turmoil. You are not too broken and bruised to be redeemed. This does not have to be the way your story is written. There is victory for you, but the road may not bean easy one. Sin is an addiction for your body and with any addiction the period of withdrawal can often lead someone back into the problem. There are times when Christ chooses to instantly and miraculously take your struggle away, but more times than not your steps back to the narrow path are filled with jagged rocks and slippery ledges. But it is worth it. “Behold, these are the wicked; and always at ease, they have increased in wealth. Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and washed my hands in innocence.” Psalm 73:12-13
Repentance is a big part of what makes our sin “as far as the east is from the west.” While the struggle is real, fervently seeking after righteousness must be constant. If you’ve encountered Christ, prayed a prayer, been dunked in the water, however you like to say it, there MUST be a difference. There must be conviction. If you’re traveling along in the same cycle you might want to ask yourself which master you’re really serving. I know most of this, because I’m asking myself the samequestions right now. Don’t worry; I’m not trying to point out the speck in your eye while I ignore the plank in mine. Some of my “addictions” have been circling me for years and it is a constant struggle to fight them. I know where I am, and what battles I am allowing the enemy to win. I know a God that loves me and is urging me to move closer to him. . What does scripture say? Something about “that which is done in secret will one day be brought to light.” I guess talking about the problem of sin is the best way I know to deal with it personally As if this blog post provides some form of accountability.
So what’s the take away: You can never run so far that God can’t go further. As far as sin goes, we are all on an equal playing field to the Righteous Judge. The emptiness is meant to be filled with Jesus. Rejoice in your conviction, the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. Repentance is key to running from the enemy.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1:9
Always looking for the beauty in the ashes, Sarah
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Some days I feel like I’m just holding my breath until I can crawl back in bed, and go to sleep until I start the whole process over again the next morning.
If you notice the span of time between my last post and this one you can tell that keeping up with a blog is not something I’m very good it. It isn’t because I’m too busy leading an entertaining life, it’s actually quite the opposite. I’m just a normal girl kickin it in the real world (shout out to my Instagram bio).
Over the past year or so I’ve done a few things. I graduated from Mississippi State, moved to Nashville for a few months, and then moved back to Madison. I’ve had internships, odd jobs, played music, done diet fads, tried to convince myself to work out at the gym, dyed my hair (again), lived, loved, learned, and even bought a cat. In my quarterly crisis of 20-somethings I think I’ve made it my mission to figure out exactly what I DON’T want to do for the rest of my life.
When State mailed me my diploma they forgot to give me a“Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Daily Steps Edition.” So as I got out into the real world I honestly didn’t know which direction to begin. You may think, “But Sarah, you’re a Christian, aren’t you supposed to have some vast amount of wisdom as to which direction to go?” Well, I have an idea of where I want to be, but just because you know North from south doesn’t mean you always know which road is best. There are an abundance of promises in scripture as to how we can figure this out. One that stands out above many is Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” And another goes like this, “Whatever you do in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through Him.” Colossians 3:17 Of course you can’t forget one of the most important verses in scripture that is directly aimed at the redeemed man or woman, “Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations, Baptizing them in the name of the Father and Of the son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20
They are beautiful passages are they not? Filled with the promises of hope and adventure. They scream “Come and findMe! Enjoy the miracles along the way.” But which way? Which jobs, what careers, what husband/wife? Where do you go from here, Jesus? These are questions I have found myself asking almost every day for the past 11 months.
It still amazes me how the Lord talks to me when I least expectit. He whispers in my ear on a day when I feel I’ve been walking through the valley, fallen in a crack, and am trying to crawl my way out. When all of my plans seem to be failing He whispers a sweet sense of joy back into my heart. For I often listen to mybrain far more than I do my God. I tend to value the advice of well respecting Christians over the promises written on my heart. For Satan will twist and tamper with even the most innocent of vices.
I am a planner, in the long term sense. I don’t like to hold onto commitments on a daily basis, but having an overall picture of what the future looks like really makes my heart happy. One thing I’ve learned about my God is that He doesn’t think that I need that “picture”, because He has a whole lot more fun getting to know me by revealing small puzzle piece parts at a time. As a human, American, and specifically southerner, this often times does not fit into our superficial rationalization of what life should be.
We tell ourselves that God has a plan and we just need to take every day at a time waiting on Him, but we save up all our money without giving to the poor man down the road right now. We profess that we trust Him with everything (home, family, finances, future), but we worry incessantly about those we love, how we will provide for them, and if we will have enough money to retire one day. Who even said retirement was biblical?We have a really good talking game, but we are walking like a drunken man on a straight line.
This has been one of the strangest, most revealing, and challenging point thus far in my life. I feel like I’m supposed to doubt myself when God shows me a crazy road to travel because I’m young and still learning, but at what age do we have the right to say we know better? Every place I have been lead to in scripture has confirmed my belief that God has some radicalplans for those who will take a leap and follow Him. He doesn’t care if you’re 12, 22, or 62 you are usable and it won’t always make sense. We allow our fear of the unknown or uncontrollableto dictate what our next step is. When we don’t understand what God wants us to do, we just decide not to do anything at all.
“Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will hold you with my Righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
We don’t daily trust the One we say we put our whole trust in. We pridefully choose our own way of doing things because, “I know better.” We are letting out limited days slip past us because we are afraid of what, actually living? The more steps toward Jesus you take the riskier this whole life thing gets. When you are faced with possibilities that you could never see happening, well that may be exactly where God is leading. He is in the business of making miracles out of messes.
I have absolutely nothing about my future figured out and while that terrifies my flesh it ignites my spirit with a freedom to serve like I have never known before. I am encouraged with the opportunity to work in the southern part of Africa in the coming months as a video producer, but that had never been on my list before. There are still unfinalized details and what if’s in my mind, but I will run fast toward the doors that He has opened and pursue where I feel He leads. For His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I will rejoice in the fact that my wisdom is irrational in the eyes of my Maker.
Faith is the willingness to look foolish, take big risks, and pray even bigger prayers. Do not be discouraged in your youth, but be encouraged with the vast possibilities you have to impact the Kingdom. Sincerely, Sarah |