Accepting an assignment like the one I am currently participating in is like asking the Father to stand you in front of a mirror for several months, discuss your pros and cons, and refuse to allow you to walk away from that mirror until you acknowledge them yourself. I'm 2 weeks in on a 4 ½ month journey and I’m ready to break the stupid mirror. Lord have mercy.
I stand by my belief that most people are not stupid. I honestly believe that the general population is fairly aware of themselves and those around us. We know our true intentions for acts of kindness. We aren’t dumb people, but we do love to play dumb, don’t we? We like to pretend to be ignorant about what is going on because somewhere inside of us we know if we were to acknowledge the problem we would have to actually feel uncomfortable and deal with it. oh the sins of apathy how they constantly persuade us. This life is all about seeking comfort for many, so ambiguity is an easy out.
We play this game with friends, family, coworkers, that person who you avoided eye contact with on the street. We even play this game with God. We pretend we don’t really know what He is telling us, or doing in our lives, because we know it is going to make us uncomfortable to obey.
I didn't like the idea of sacrificing comfort and what I wanted in order to move a very long way from home to be obedient. Don't get me wrong it sounded fun, but The adventure only lasts for so long. at which point the unfamiliar becomes home and you kin of freak out. It felt weird having to start over and make completely new friends. I was super nervous about living with someone I had never met before in a country I knew nothing about. All of these things I have faced in the last few weeks. And to think I almost missed out because I wouldn’t stop playing games.
You see, it was almost like Hide and Seek. God was counting and I was hiding. He would pretend He couldn’t find me, like you do with a young child, until the very last moment and then BOO. My secret spot had been compromised and I was tagged it. He and I played this game for many years. Sometimes I thought I could hide so well that maybe, just maybe, He wouldn’t find me. Or better yet, He would get so fed up with calling my name that He would just leave me be and let me keep my comfortable little hiding spot for the rest of my life in my "I don't deal with things" world.
Unfortunately, my God does not really play my games. He may humor me and let me run around like a fool, but eventually He sits me down and explains the rules yet again. So you can imagine how I feel now, after only a short time out of my hiding place, to be set in front of this holy mirror for Him to begin the painful process of refinement.
The Father has brought so many things to my attention in a very short amount of time. He has begun to carve out deep holes in my heart where bitterness, anger, jealousy, envy, lust, pride, and selfishness lie. I don’t like admitting that those are apart of me. I mean, seriously, if this is already happening on week 3 I’m a little nervous to see the rest as time goes.
Now when The Father gets a hold of you and decides that you will now be a vessel for Him, He begins to bring those characteristics to the surface so that you can deal with them. So gone is the idea of ambiguity or ignorance, there is no room for that in The Lords plan.
I wish I could say ignorance is bliss, and maybe for someone it may be. But at this time in my life ignorance is detrimental. On the field your faults are amplified and if you refuse to acknowledge them you’re not only hurting yourself but your team and those that are put in your path.
I don’t know that I had any great wise motivation or advice for writing the post except to admit that I’m dealing with lots of things. I’m learning more about myself than I may have wanted to know, and hearing the hard stuff is a challenge. My honest desires are being challenged daily. And as He builds me up I'm also torn down so that I may exemplify him in my actions. The mirror is big and glaring me in the face. I’m sure we all have our own mirrors in life; the question is will you be bold enough to take a gander at what is looking back at you and let the Lord perfect it?