And I'll use you as a warning sign,
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind.
And I'll use you as focal point, So I don’t lose sight of what I want
It's madness out there in the real world, I'm telling you.
Pure and utter chaos. It's like most of us are just running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to figure out what in the world we're doing.
"Who will I be today?"
And in the midst of all this searching, somewhere along the road we stop feeling. Let's be honest, life is hard and things can really hurt. So you become numb to the real stuff, it's a defense mechanism for me.
Desensitized. I tried to make my heart incapable of breaking...which if you're curious is impossible.
But no matter how much I try to be impenetratable it doesn't stop the truama of life from obliterating any sense of order I've given myself in this mess we've created. And when that trauma hits, boy, you won't be able to handle an ounce of the feeling that it brings.
So you'll probably do like me and stuff all those things back in that deep dark corner of your soul and just "deal with it later."
You'll fill time and space with things, and people, drinks and netflix. The less it matters, the more you want it.
But you can't keep the feelings at bay forever, they're part of this thing we call life. And they'll always creep back in. Whether it's a sad advertisement, a kind gesture from someone, a song that brings back a memory sending chills shooting up your spine. Once that door is open they all rush back in and hit you like a ton of bricks.
They're wired into us like the DNA that defines us and they're begging to get out even if that means ripping open your heart in the process.
So, I scream all the time. Sometimes it's loud, sometimes it's covered by a pillow, sometimes it's in my head and sometimes it's one of those scary whisper angry screams like Rose in Titanic as her lover sinks to the bottom of the ocean....
Some people think I'm screaming because I'm mad, but It's not always anger that fuels my high pitched vocals. Sometimes it's utter joy, other days it's overwhelming sadness...and I think it means that in the moment I'm really feeling, and really feeling means you're really living.
You see, any display of emotion means you're actually feeling something and in this plastic, filtered, permi-fried world of insensitivity, to feel.... leads to the ultimate goal. When's the last time you felt so affected by some kind of injustice that you actually did something about it? And no, reposting a photo on Facebook isn't actually doing something. But, you were moved. Something inside you woke up and you felt that stiring in the pit of your stomach to live.
It's terrifying...to feel things. Because what if they hurt? Or worse, what if they're amazing and then one day....they're gone.
The hardest part is to let go and let the tears flow. Allow the laughter to abound. Give way to the mourning. Rejoice in the sorrow.
Because my God, you're actually feeling. You're living and breathing and you're heart is still beating strong enough to bend and break and let you live.
So just live. Give it all you have and stop faking it. Stop putting on the mask and walking out the door. Look in the mirror and take it all in and just let yourself live, in every single moment.
Find out who you want to be, and be it. Let your feelings move you, change you, urge you to truth.
We are but a breath, we are but a fleeting instant, so do not waste a second hiding from it all. Open your arms and embrace what comes.
Love without regret, give without request, and forgive until you mean it...
Because, life is worth it and it's too short not to figure that out now.